Yoga

Ever tried Yoga? I would definitely recommend it to anyone that hasn't tried it. I did some this morning before typing this and it really does start the day off well.  I can't remember where I read it, but I am pretty certain that humans are the only land mammals who don't stretch immediately upon waking.   

I'm not talking about the old reach over your head, point your toes and groan kind of stretch.  No, I am talking about the ones that you need to know the code names to.  You see walking into a Yoga studio as a beginner is similar to trying to follow a mass at a Catholic Church, or jumping into a line dance at your local saloon.  Nobody tells you in advance what the "moves" are, what they are called, and just begin.  So here is how your first yoga session will likely go down.

You will arrive early and be greeted by someone who swallowed sunshine that is oozing from their pores.  You will of course have your mat that you purchased on sale at a Canadian Tire and will proceed to get changed in the change room and head to the studio.  Opening the studio door, hopefully with someone you know, you will tip toe around in the dark to find a place to unroll your mat and wait for class to begin.  Showing up early, you will think that you will be first in the room; however, there are a few people as you enter either looking like they are dead on the mat, or doing things like headstands with a half twist.  Those people are like the people at the oscars who fill the seat of the award winner.  They just rise out of the floor and live there. More and more will filter in, some shattering the silence with dangling keys and cement water bottles that pound on the floor when the drop them.  You won't realize, and nobody will let you know that you have "stolen" Gerti's spot today.  Gerti has been coming for 27 years and always gets the same spot...everyone knows that. 

You won't know what to do with yourself, so you will likely look around and mimic a few others with some basic stretches until you end up sitting cross legged on your mat.  The teacher will enter and say something prolific like "good morning".  Then the teacher will start...today we are going to start in a child's pose and move into a flow where we will hold dragon fly for 7 minutes.  It will bring you back to the early days on the ice where your coach repeatedly yelled to the defence..."Keep your head on a swivel!".  Now you are a swivel head as I like to call the newbie. No clue what you are doing, believing that everyone around you that is making this look so easy is looking at you in disgust.  That would be true at line dancing; however, in Yoga there is an accepted fact that everyone has their own practice.  The yoga instructor, who will be twisted into the advanced Koala Bear half pigeon pose will speak with ease while you are sweating and doing your best to remember to exhale before moving from sitting to standing.  Everyone has their own practice the instructor will say.  

As you look around the room, you will notice that this is indeed true.  There are people in the room who either don't care at all what the instructor is doing and just want the company, or use the class to exercise some form of defiance or rebellion by doing anything but the pose that the instructor recommends.  As a newbie you like this person...later they become a distraction (which may be why they are there in the first place come to think of it.  Perhaps it's planted mental training!).  Regardless you aren't the only one that isn't winning the synchro award with the instructor.  

Towards the end of the class, you will have finally figured out that a flow is actually about 3 or 4 moves each with their own name all strung together including the downward dog.  If it is at all possible, before you go to the first class watch a YouTube video and you will be miles ahead of the regular newbie.  Finally, the end of the class.  This is the chivasana (spelled here how it sounds but likely incorrectly). This is a nap at the end of class similar to kindergarten.  It is truly the best part.  You get to lie in the dark on a mat that you realize much too late is much to skinny and slippery because you cheaped out at Canadian Tire and should have just used one of the ones they provided. You just find your most comfortable spot when the instructor interrupts the chorus of woodwinds playing in the background to tell you to be seated at the front of the mat.  This is when the sermon begins about how life is often hard and you should correlate that to Yoga and let the joy and love swirl around you in a spectacular embrace for the rest of your day.  Then they will finish with an Ohm.  That is when I wish there was a camera on my face for the first one I experienced.  Everyone in the room will, in unison, say Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm to bring about some sort of vibration that is really good for you apparently.  I thought I was in a cult ritual the first time that it happened to me.  I had absolutely no idea what was coming or how to get to the exit but by it ended fairly quickly and nobody's heads spun around or anything so it was all good.  The last thing that happens is the instructor bows at you and you in turn are supposed to bow back in a show of gratitude with an exhange of Namaste's.  That word basically means that you are grateful for everything and is the Yogi equivalent of amen. 

As the the you continue to go back, you will get to know Gerti and will laugh when some other newbie aimlessly walks in and takes her place.  You will start to get a little territorial over your own place too! nd you will improve, and it will eventually get easier. So give it a try. Know that you are in for a bumpy ride at first and please...buy the good mat.  Until then...Namaste.....NowImGonnaGo.

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